Watery Tea–Watery God

My husband is a sweet tea tea conssieur.  He works to create every batch just perfect–not too sweet but not without that Southern taste of  sweetness either.  When it is freshly made, I love to fill my glass with ice and fill it to the brim with his perfect beverage.  Throughout dinner, I savor the rich tea flavor. 

Immediately after dinner, it is my job to clear the table, wipe it down, and sweep the floor.  Chris begins dishwasher duty along side of me.  After cleaning, sometimes I will pick up my glass and take a swig  of the leftover tea that has been sitting in a mass of ice and always do the same thing–I grimace and swallow the “tea” vowing never to do that again–or if it is really watery, I spit it out in the sink.

So what does that have to do with God?  It is simple.  I like my tea strong!  I like it with flavor and boldness!  I like my God strong!  I do not want a watered down version of a God who accepts every kind of sin and wrong doing.  I want a God who loves and is LOVE, but who also is HOLY!  I want a God who can heal me when I am sick, comfort me when I am sad, and forgive me when I have sinned.

A watered down god is not good enough for me!  I need a God who has power and who is greater than all–otherwise I just have a watered down man who loves all and accepts everything.  I’m all for the love, but the acceptance is nothing but watered down tea–no good for anything but to spit out.

Yet how many of us, thirsty, swallow down this watered-version of ignorance?  Desiring the real thing, we swallow watered down versions of the Bible and we sing Kum Ba Yah and let the devil flaunt his works for all to see.  Oh that we as Christians, would stand up and say “No more!”  Bring back God with all of His flavor–don’t serve me this lie anymore–serve me ALL of GOD .

IN other words:  Bring on the sweet tea!

Dennis the Menace

Okay,I have never had a puppy, but having a three-year old son has got to be very similar! Can we say Dennis the Menace?? Every day my home is trashed where my son has decided to come through like a hurricane and destroy like there is no tomorrow!! Papers get ripped and written on; furniture gets torn up, toys trounced… Today, while changing his pullup, he grabbed a towel (hanging on the door) between his teeth and growled. He refused to give up his new found toy! I reminded him gently that he is not a dog, and pried the towel from his teeth. He is also independent like there is no tomorrow! He wants to do what he wants to do, to take care of all his needs without my help  thank you. Yet, at night, he wants to keep the door open so he can be close to me and he wants to curl up in my lap and snuggle- much like a puppy I assume. I watch this fire ball who breaks down several times a night, but who will look up at me with pleading wide blue eyes and a lopsided grin (the same one that gets me everytime with his daddy), and  I just melt. How can someone who drives me nearly insane at times, turn my heart into squishy putty?? I wonder, does God look at us like this? Does he see us fight for our own way (violently sometimes), but at the end of the day, desire to spend time with Him because we are tired and worn out with daily life and want nothing more than to crawl up into His lap? Then does he smile and his heart cave in at how pliable we are in His arms?

Jsut a thought…

short skirts

Today I saw a bookfair video and was instantly intrigued by one of the stories. It was all about teenage girl spies. “My students will really enjoy this, ” I thought excitedly. As soon as I could, I rushed to the bookfair to check out this new book! When I found the book, I cringed. There on the front was a young lady wearing an incredibly short skirt. Frowning, I lifted the book and read the back. Inside my mind, I wrestled with my thoughts.  It’s just a book cover; I’m sure the inside of the book is fine!  But if the author is okay to have that on the cover, what is the actual book about- and what does it represent? Shawna- get a grip! It is just a picture! I’m sure the book is fine!

In the midst of my arguing with myself, a teacher friend came up and told me what a ”cute” books this was ; she had read the set and they were really good. As she talked, I continued my inner conversation.  See, it’s no big deal! You were really interested in getting this book, and now you’ve just had confirmation that it is good! So just buy it! It’s only 8 bucks!!” But I just couldn’t. That skirt kept haunting me.

 On and on the fight went- even as I walked out of the library and down the hall- with no book.

Now, some people may think ” You are a prude! You just gave up reading and adding to your classroom library a fabulous book just because of a picture! If that’s you, you are entitled to your opinion. But I just could not allow middle school students (who are already on a huge battleground daily) be tempted to lust or covet because of this book. I just couldn’t!  Jesus said if a man looks at a woman to lust after her, he has already committed the sin in his heart! God has entrusted these precious children to me for a season, and I must be faithful in the little things… like vetoing short skirts. As much as I wanted to have the book, the cover completely revolted me, and because of that- the author lost a potential customer.  It makes me want to get out my laptop and type good teen fiction that has value! That’s how Robin Jones Gunn got started with the Christy Miller series- so who knows???

Kindergarten registration

Last Friday was kindergarten registration. Hannah and I bravely entered the building and began a trek through a myriad of lines. Then came the test.  Hannah’s special education teacher met us at the testing site, and along with the teacher giving the test, escorted Hannah through the testing room doors. I was told to stay behind. So, I sat and waited- unable to do anything to help my daughter. Instead, I had to let her show what she could do on her own- without me.  As the minutes ticked by, I thought a variety of thoughts: Would she make it? Would she go into her meltdown mode and not do anything? Would she fail? And if so, what would that mean?  I tried to read, but my eyes kept straying to the door, trying to get a peek of my daughter as she carried out the various tasks she was being asked to do. Finally, the door opened. Both adults said she did excellent, and I was a proud mama!  When the teacher giving the test explained that she woul dprobably be Hannah’s teacher, I was  both thankful and conflicted. Thankful because she seemed like a really sweet lady (Hannah gave her a hug the minute she met her), and conflicted because I know what preschool has been like ( negative notes home, parent conferences, iep meetings…) and I know how my daughter is when she goes into meltdown mode. I want Hannah to do well in school, but I worry about her making  it in kindergarten. So much of the time she lives in a world of her own; a world where no one can come (though some try), and yet, she is one of the sweetest children you will ever meet! She is very bright, but she struggles with basic tasks, sensory issues, motor skill weakneses, peer interaction and several other things. I wonder what will happen when she gets in that big school with all of those students. And then, I hear a still, small voice whispering, “She is mine. I have a plan for her, and I will protect her.”  Just like I had to wait outside while she went in with her “helper”, I know the Holy Spirit will go with her to kindergarten. And even when there are “bad” days, she (and we)  will survive- because He is with us.

Waiting

You know, it has always been hard for me to wait- whether good or bad- it was always hard. I had a difficult time waiting to use all of my new school supplies after they were bought, waiting for birthdays and holidays. I struggled with waiting for favorite tv shows and movies to come on also. Now I am waiting for an official diagnosis of aspergers. Two months ago I began to piece together issues with my duaghter. When I spoke with friends who were special education teachers, they all mentioned the same term: aspergers. Although I had briefly heard of the term, I truthfully did not know anything about it. The unanimous prognosis sent me on a hunt for everything I could find about the disorder. I discovered it was a social disorder that affected a person’s ability to communicate successfully with others. Problems with missing body language “talk” or misinterpreting the non-verbal language, can create disasters in the communication department. I was intrigued and continued to study. Problems with sensory issues, gross motor skills, possible fine motor skills… It was at this point that events from my childhood through recent years as a young adult began to play out in my mind. I saw myself standing alone on the playground, wanting to be involved but being ignored or laughed at whenever I tried. I saw myself at 17 going to pray for a young man at the altar, only to discover to my horror that he was faking the entire event! I saw myself doing a myriad of “strange” things, and the more I discovered, the more I realized- THIS IS ME! It was like a huge awakening. Suddenly all of the things I had said and done made sense. People not wanting to be around me- it made sense! For a  few weeks after I discovered this I was on top of the world- I finally knew I wasn’t stupid or a bad Christian- I was just an “aspie”! Through many hours of research (to the exclusion of family and work even) I found several asperger resources, one big one being the Emory Autism Resource Center. So, I called them, and discovered that they did indeed test adults for aspergers- as well as children! When the lady asked me why I thought I had aspergers, I began going into detail about several items. Finally, she stopped me and assured me that there was enough for me to come in and be tested. We set up an appointment for the middle of January for both my daughter and me.

So, here I am, waiting… again.  And with the waiting has come depression. One of the biggest things is that I thought I would “outgrow” my mistakes- I just had to mature enough. A diagnosis of aspergers would strip me of that hope. But- it also would help me to understand myself so much better. A friend told me I’m grieving- and I’m inclined to agree with her.  I want to be a successful teacher, mother, wife, Christian… and not make any hair-brained mistakes again. I am not sure what a diagnosis would do for my career, but I think it would explain why I have always struggled with staying “on board”. you would have to really know me to understand that, but if you are an aspie, maybe you yourself have struggled with staying motivated and feeling positive about your career. I love teaching, but I am afraid that I will make a mistake and blow it again. 

In all this, however, I am reminded and  say, “If God be for (me) who can be against (me)?” and “THe Lord is the strength of my life; whom shall I fear?”. ANd most importantly, “I waited patiently for the LORD, and he inclined unto me and heard my cry!” (emphasis mine). Thank you Jesus, that even in waiting, you are on the throne and able to help us soar above our troubles and fears!

one woman

This Fourth of July weekend I kept thinking about one woman- Madeline Murray O’hare (hair?). This one woman, filled with so much hate for God, convinced the Supreme Court to take prayer and Bible reading out of school. Since then American public schools have gone downhill at an alarmingly fast rate. As a teacher, I have seen schools do all they can to “help” students with their self-esteem, morale, and intellect. Unfortunately, they have left God out of the picture, or at least watered Him down immensely so He is “safe” for all people.  Well, this Fourth of July I was reminded of a speech Abraham Lincoln gave on March 30th 1863, reminding America of its foundation on God and dependence on HIm and also how the American people had gotten fat on blessings and turned their backs on God. Well, I am taking a stand today, like Abraham Lincoln. God has been ejected from our schools and now we are reaping the consequences. So, back to O’hare (hair?). One woman- this just keeps resonating within my soul. One woman convinced eight men to dismiss God from the classroom; from textbooks, from pertinent articles our students read…. The Bible teaches that one can put 1000 to flight, and two can put 10,000 to flight! Well, I say let’s get praying and moving! If one woman can change history, why can’t one or more change it again for God’ side? I was not born in 1962, so I did not get to stand up for my faith, but I am alive and can stand up for it now. I am asking anyone who is sincere about wanting God to invade our public school system to join with me in prayer, asking God to convict everyone involved in education. I know I sound redundant, but ONE WOMAN changed the course of history for satan’s cause! Our God is bigger than satan, and it’s time we as Christians bought by the blood of Christ, stand up for His truth! If one woman moved that many mountains, what can we as the body of Christ do??